taste the rainbow!

So last night I had to sit down and talk with my parents about school and applying. They gave me this huge lecture about how culinary school wasn’t good enough, but they will allow it. After a hour of listening to them lecture me, I called the boy and talked to him about it.  Long story short, lots of threats later. I was told to act action in telling my parents the hardest thing I’ve had to tell them. I now have a letter to my mom thats half done, and completely ridiculous.

 

 

but well here it goes, bad or not.

 

Dear Mom,

I am so grateful that you and dad are able to understand that moving to Florida to attend school is something that I need to do. I understand that I am asking a lot of you already, for you to be able to ship your daughter off to school 1500 miles away. I am thankful for all the things you’ve done for me while growing up, and I hope someday I will be able to repay you for everything. This summer after I graduate I will be moving to Orlando, Florida. I realize we are not gaining anytime as the days go bye, but we are only loosing more time then we can comprehend.

I know that in the last weeks while discussing my arrangements with school, that my housing arrangements have been a continuous question.  At this point in time I realize you are not on board with me housing with Jason and our friends, but I am informing you right now that this is what my decision has come to of my choice. I am writing this to you in letter form because I know that if we were to talk in person about this situation I would not be able to finish before being cut off, and this way I am not allowing you to do that. Like I said I realize at this point you do not agree with my decision, but I hope that after looking at this from my point of view that you will be able to consider it and at least respect my decision. My decision is in fact to move in with Jason, Allison, and Justin this summer when I move to Orlando.

I came to my conclusion after contemplating a few main points that are crucial in the decision that had to be made. First off, the money situation if I were to move into my own apartment in Orlando, Florida will amount to prices I will not be able to afford. I will paying $500-$600+ in rent alone  this is not including the essentials such as; gas, water, heating, and ex. that I will also have to be adding into my monthly payments, not to mention the normal costs of living I will need such as money for food. Trying to pay to live on my own we both know would most likely end up putting me into more debt on top of my student loans. Now, with this in mind I bring up the point if I were to live not by myself but with three other individuals that my monthly prices would be reduced by an immense amount of expenses that I would share with the others instead of pay on my own. Expenses will be cut in fourths making everything a lot more affordable.

 

 

 

 

more added later after i give my brain a break. but for now to rest, after relieving my thoughts

Everything is just a big learning experience.

For the last few weeks now, I have been spending all my time thinking about what I want to do when I graduate. Now I know that I want to do photography, my problem is “What kind of photography do I want to go into?”  Now honestly anyone can take pictures of weddings and babies and stuff like senior pictures. Don’t get me wrong I most definitely will take my fair share of those kinds of pictures in my day, without a doubt. So, like I said, almost anyone who wants to be a “photographer” can take those pictures. With my photography I want to create something different. I want to take something, preferably a subject most people either choose to not focus their attention on, or one that people rarely hear about; and bring to life the details that every day people like myself miss. I want to be able to look at my work and know that it is going to make a difference in the way people see things and they way their minds form an image about said subject. Today in class we had a visitor, Chris Webster, he came to speak to us about the homeless and less fortunate in our community. While listening to this man speak to us, and show us snapshots of what is going on in our own city, a light clicked on. I had found my first project I want to work on. In my mind this is just a little step on my scale of what I would love to some day accomplish with my talent.

So the idea of my project came to me sitting in class, all the sudden I just wanted to go and talk to people right then and there to make it work and bring my ideas to life. I have been looking for more classes at school within the photography field to participate in, and then it came to me. If there is no more classes to enroll in, why not make my own? So that is exactly what I am doing! I have decided to converse with my teachers, counselors, and Mr. Webster about an idea I have for an independent study class.  Tomorrow I will be presenting my idea to my wonderful photography teacher getting his advice and knowledge about my ideas and asking him to guide me through this. I have already ran it past my mother who thinks it’s a wonderful way for me to express my creativity while trying to bring attention to a minority group in our community, and hopefully help gain them some new support and assistance.

Mr. Webster works directly with the homeless of Lincoln, Nebraska; not to mention the many other people he works with. This is exactly what I wish for my “project” to focus on. I want to bring to life the real content of the issue dealing with the homeless. Show people the tragedy and the horror of what can come out of the major contributors of individuals and families becoming homeless.

I want to look at this project as a learning experience for both me and my viewers. I hope to be taught through my teacher and advisors more about photography and ways to capture these kinds of situations. I also hope I can help influence viewers to help these less fortunate, because yes they still are people they have just ran into some bad choices/situations.

With all this said and out there, each individual person can see this project in which ever light they want, I just hope it will be able to change at least one person’s viewpoint so I know my work would not have gone to waste.

love

Sometimes bigger really is better.

When you reach the age of 56, what even entertains you?

For Ricky’s father(Dick) it seems to be, pretty much everything.  He loves to spend time with his kid and even all of the friends that are brought over, with thwarting any had been fun!  He is a fun guy who takes life as is, and just rolls with the punches.  A free spirit in a very uptight world, god bless him.

Today was his birthday(or rather yesterday) and he just returned from a two week escapade to deliver goods via semi-truck.  Ricky had hinted earlier in the day that Dick was returning home today and only later to realize that his father’s birthday was today! So him and I had a brief conversation about what to get him, and moved on with the days tasks.  Fast forward a couple of hours and you’ll find yourself at 9 O’clock here at Dove Field(our home).  There were 5 of us. Andrew, Ricky, John, Dick, and I.  All shooting the shit talking about what the fuck to do tonight, only to come to the conclusion that we needed to take Dick out.

Perhaps by taking him out for a night on the town, he would have some free spirited fun.  This proved to be the best idea that any of us could have pondered.  Unfortunately we had to wait for the three stooges to get done eating heaps of food in order to just leave the place, and by then it was already 1230.

Out arrival at Ybor was very welcomed by  a bar called ‘Crowbar.’  It usually features a band or two a night, and let’s young ins’ in(such as myself).  We spent about an hour there listening to the dingiest of dingy country/folk/fuckfest/music while Dick had an amazing time.  He danced all around enjoying every string played on the banjo, his dance resembled the dance of Schroeder in ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’.   After all of the fun was to be had at Crowbar, we ventured out to find the next hotspot, it was decided to be some place that name escapes me.  It was another small bar that was currently featuring a Karoeke machine with some horrid singers.

Bam, here I am, its 430am and I’m blogging.

No need to sleep, wake up call is in an hour.

love

Stagnant air, and il attempt.

Once I had reached an age where it was becoming ever so slightly more clear as to what I wanted from life, I concluded this.  That I wanted to hear as many peoples stories as I could.  My deep passion to hear a story that(even if made completely up) would show me a small window inside of others’ complex lives.  It’s invigorating to think about the endless possibility that would lay ahead of myself.  Not only would I have a source of endless entertainment(and possibly notes for a book or two) but it could fulfill a passion in my life.

Thoughts that had crossed my mind as ventures to complete this included; going to nursing homes and setting up times to speak to as many coherent elderly folk as I could, going out and meeting as many distinguished or even normal people as I could, or even asking people that were already present in my on-going life and exploring their past and glimpsing to their futures’.    The first idea(which was to seek elderly folk) seemed the easiest and also most rewarded type of story seeking available to me.  It would take up a lot of time in my life that would keep me out of trouble, and it would give these people a time to shine again, to show another person who was genuinely interested in the past.

To my major dismay and stupidity, I never completed nor pursued my dream.  However, now that I am older and more focused this seems to make more sense.  Maybe this is what I will blog about, each persons story.  From week to week, blogging about the next person I have met, and sharing their stories.

Yeah that would be grand.

Outline of a story board, with new ideas.

Last week came a defining moment in my life.  I was given the run-around by my own father for even the smallest of help from him and my mother.  They refused to give me financial information to make low interest government funds available to help pay for my(soon to be) ever mounting school debt at ‘Full Sail University.’  Through this argument came a lot of feelings that were tied back to what it was like to live under his roof, and it was not enjoyable.  So now I am taking a break, yes, just a break.  I am not cutting them out of my life, just merely putting our relationship on ‘hiatus’ until I get back on my feet for college.

After this happened between my father and I, there was an email that was drafted to send him…this was it

“When you signed the papers to join into the service, you went to your grandfather for his signature, not to relay the debt of service to him, but merely for some reconciliation as to where you came from.  You took “his spot” in the service and this made you proud, and even now you used it as an example to teach me a lesson.  I understand this, then father, tell me how your own son asking you for small bits of information to aid him into learning and experiencing things that will aid him for the rest of his life is any different. Yes, by going into financial debt I am creating a different form of the same principal of which serving in the army creates.  Instead of being in financial hardship during your mandatory years serving you were given monetary goods in return for your physical service.  This by default put stress on many parts of your life, towards your wife and yourself.  So you have then created a debt not in finances but rather in your relationship that could have possibly scarred.  This whole situation alludes me.

Dad, honestly I will never understand your decision to be so stagnant towards my persistence to attend this college, most people my age(or rather in LIFE) do not have even a small thought of what in life can drive them for the rest of their life.  However when your own son comes to you with his eyes so bright and full of vigor, you put him down and call it going out on a ‘whim.’ It was only made this way because of your innability to accept the fact that I need to do this, if it’s a mistake, THEN IT IS.  However, I am persevering enough to not only make it through the debt but make something beautiful out of this.

By not accepting my decisions and helping me through them, and still fighting me on every turn you have detached yourself from every part of my everday life.  It’s gross to even think about, already you have shut your wife’s parents out of your two lives’ and now your own son.  Instead of helping me through the decisions that I have accumulated in life, you opt for non compliance and ill effort.

It hurts dad.

Maybe one day you will realize what you have done.  Until then, I still love you and am man enough to still be there when you need me.  It’s the least I can do for my own family, because that’s what it’s really about.  Just because of stupid situations where ones own perspective on life gets in the way of understanding, doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to them.

Maybe we can be a family again soon. “

Goodbye believing that through it all you really were looking in my best interest.

When a bird first takes flight.

What if 9 months from now, I am in my home with the closest people in my life?  What is that going to feel like?  Am I even prepared for such an amazing change in my life?

So many questions and the only think left in my way is time, but thankfully it is passing with ease.

All that I need to achieve at work is to blow my business partners away with amazing designs and it’s not working now.  Something needs to change, either how I design or just something different.   I like to think that my own design for my business cards’ are my pinacle of work right now, but there needs to be progress EVERYDAY.  Right now this isn’t being set forth, maybe instead of small strides I need to take leaps and bounds!

Well tonight was a short one, but I’m leaving with the front and back designs to my card.

This is the front of the card.

This is the back of the card.

These are in no way the final images, but soon perhaps they will be!

It’s not really a competition.

When life gets me down, I turn to music.  It’s like a artistic expression that soothes my soul so that I can focus back on life.  Lately my Zune has gotten an insane amount of plays just to stay on track with what needs to be done.  All of my collection of music is utilized, everything from screaming music to get me pumped, to slower music to calm me down later on in the day.  It really just comes down to the plain and simple matter of my affinity for the mp3 player of my choice.

I love you zune.

Each day passes quicker than the one that trails behind it, there really hasn’t ever been a chapter in my life where time has had such a disregard for laws of science.  The only difference between myself a year ago and now, is that my life’s work now consists of being creative and setting forth my own drive for completing each task handed to me.   Not only are their business related tasks now but insane personal ones to accomplish.  Now unlike any other time, I have been forced to re-associate with a new group of people.  It’s something that has shaped myself and the friendships that I will hold for the rest of my life.

Seemingly enough finding time for myself to calmly set pace for my completionist attitude is very daunting these days.  Fortunately lately it hasn’t been too difficult.  Just today I had found time for a few hours of work, and lots of hours of calm thinking time sitting with this piece of shit laptop that has a very intermittent wifi card (you heard me HP I’m coming for you).

Hopefully tonight, the girl that I love will become the girl of my dreams (as most nights).

magically delicious

The last few weeks has just been a blur. My head has been cluttered with a messy tangled web of thoughts. I haven’t even been able to process anything. Only more is left to come.

Until i get my strings un-jumbled I have nothing to say.

 

(these are a lot better in person, may I remind you these are just photos of the actual photo)

                           

 

              

I’m Searching.

It’s a long quest that has a lot of speed bumps and massive decisions. All that I can wish is that I choose the best way to deal with things to the best of my knowledge.

I don’t know what to write, this is so awkward.  I’ve spent the last week everyday wondering just what my next post will say.  All it used to take was just two seconds and I’d hit something worth writing about.  It would usually start with some basic idea or object and I would let it blossom into its own genuine story.

I treated it as a class, and every night my teacher would give me a prompt and I would go to town.

Now look at me, I’m just sitting here on my bed wondering just what to over analyze.  Well newsflash to myself, there isn’t a damn thing that needs such tyranny.  Maybe there needs to be a recess from this morbid diary of thoughts and past events.

Just maybe I need to put it to rest and move on and just live life.

Failure will blink in the back of my mind until I find something to write.

Now instead of writing, I will post that days designs.

This until the day I know what needs to be said again.

The perfect plan.

What if every action had an equal or greater consequence.

What if my choice to move away, hurt me more than added to me.

What if.